May 14, 2012

Your Normal is Not Really Normal

I think I am going through pre-culture shock.

There is something rising up in me that is saying "your normal is not really the goal. I am setting before you a new goal." 

I hate admitting this but there is something deep inside of me that expects and craves the American version of "normal:"
the sweet pretty wedding with all the family and friends there celebrating (and gifting),
the husband who goes off to work five days a week,
house full of kids with beds, toys, and cute clothes enough for all,
a place to craft and somewhere to buy supplies,
grocery stores down the street,
a vehicle to take the family places,
the library,
internet everywhere,
coffee every morning,
an oven to bake things in,
a couch in the living room,
carpet on the floor,
air-conditioning in the summer,
heat in the winter,
fall leaves,
spring flowers,
closest family and friends within 3000 miles.....
this might all be just a dream that I have to let go.

India is tugging at my heart. The Lord is calling my name.
It is impossible to say "no."

In September I am going to India. I will stay nine months (well that is the plan so far). This time I will not just be visiting: playing with the kids at Asha House, drinking tea with lepers, buying some pretty stuff, and leaving. This time I am going to have to set down some roots, continuing the journey of learning how to live in India.

There are many unknowns about what the next year holds for me. I know that I cannot approach them with fear but with faith, trusting that God really truly knows what I need better than I think I do, trusting that his way will lead to his glory and my good.

But this process is still a tearing. Tearing down the old "normal" replacing it with the Kingdom normal. Tearing down my expectations and replacing them with Kingdom expectations.

Oh but I am so selfish and full of pride. It is not easy. In fact it is really convenient to believe the lie that tells me that I will loose my true self in this process. But it is just a lie. The amazing truth is that I am finding my true self in giving myself over to The Lover of My Soul. The Author of Life, The Older (and so much wiser) Brother over All Creation.

I am going to India nothing can stop me. I am always going to say "yes!" to God no matter the cost, even if the cost is a little heartache.

May 5, 2012

Hey there....

I have been gone from this blogging scene for a while. I have missed you all. Hope you have missed me too.

Since October when I got home from my second trip to India I have been developing the social media for Back To The Roots, the backing organization for Asha House. It has been wonderful to blog about what I love and discover new social media avenues, but that has made me not want to blog personally since blogging has become my job. Who wants to spend their entire life blogging?

It has been growing on me. This feeling that I need to write, that I need to pick up blogging for myself again.
Well here I am.
I am back.

So what is God speaking to me about?

I spent quite some time this morning lamenting to him about all of my issues and problems, weaknesses and frustrations. The things that are pressing on my mind and spirit. His response to all my uncertainties and worries was this:
I want you to love me and to be loved by me. 
So simple. Almost too simple.

It is so easy to believe that I have to do things to win the Lord's love, or that I have to prove my love for him.

So powerful. Almost too powerful.

As we grasp the unconditional Love of the Abba Daddy, our response is immediately to love. We become love machines.

Satan does not like that. He wants to keep us trapped in our futile thinking that we need to meet God's and other people's exceptions. That we need to be "good little Christians." That we have to always be in fear that we might say or do the wrong thing.

The amazing truth is that we can never chase away the Love of God, nor can we screw-up the Lord's plans. He is chasing us with his sweet love and always working things together for the good of those who love him.  We cannot stop him or his love. It is impossible and prideful to think we can mess up God's plans.

The honest truth is that I have known this beautiful truth for quite some time. I have learned to dance and rejoice in it. I have learned to find freedom in it. The other honest truth is that is is so easy to get caught up in life and wander away from the rest I have found in the arms of love. Today I am learning to return... "to know and rely on the love God has for us." (1 John 4:16)