The Real India: Intro

If you have been keeping track of me and my blog posts for the past 6 months, I am sure that you have been disappointed by the general lack of exposition on Kalimpong, India, and what I am observing about both.

In a tourist guide to India I read last year it said something like “the more you know about India the less you understand.” This has been very true of my experiences the past months. The more I see and learn, the more realize that I cannot fully know of understand this country or its many peoples.

I haven't written much about of my insights or observations on India and its culture on this blog yet because I feel ill-equipped and unqualified to do so. I am looking at things here through the dimly lit kaleidoscopic lens of being a foreigner in this place, I get glimpses of the dark and light of reality but they are all jumbled up and out of context in my perception. What furthers this handicap is my experiences are quite shallow. I feel that in this cozy house, 

tucked up on the mountain side, 

surrounded by a fences, 

buffered by school grounds and the principles house and gardens, 

which rarely looses power or has water problems, 

where I eat dahl and rice made by our cook for lunch,

but am treated to American dinners and baked goodies in the evenings, 

that I haven't earned a right or a place to comment on the culture and country that I am living in.

The garden in the front of our compound

Though I feel unqualified to comment at all, I am still going to attempt to share with you what I am learning about this strange wild beautiful country I am living in.

Check back for posts in a series I am calling “The Real India”  

Nepal

As well as taking a trip to Delhi last month, I also took a short trip to Nepal.

Kalimpong is in a tiny northern finger of India that is wedged between Bhutan, China (Tibet), and Nepal. Nepal is just 4 or 5 hours drive from our house in Kalimpong. From Delo Hill, the highest point in Kalimpong at 5556 ft above sea level, you can see China, Nepal, Sikkim (one of the hardest to reach Indian states), and Bhutan. Most of the population of the Darjeeling District (which includes both Kalimpong and Darjeeling) are ethnically Nepali. The Nepalis here have been fighting for a long time to have their own state within India, Gorkhaland, so they can get better representation in the government and to have more control over the Darjeeling area.

My visit to Nepal was essentially for my visa. With the type of visa I have I need to leave the country every six months. Originally I would have had to stay out for two months before I could return to India, but just last year they changed this law. Coming to India I wasn't quite sure what I would do about this issue, but as He always does the Lord made a way.

Nepal Border

The German family who we are close to also needed to also go out for their visas. All we really needed to do was cross the border, fill out papers, and come back to fill out more papers, but the lady I am staying with knows a family who runs a school in a town just 45 minutes from the Nepal border. She arranged for us all to travel together and stay at the school for a few days. 

The Principle's Quarters Where We Stayed

At the border there are four forms for each person to fill out. That meant coming and going, I only had a total of eight forms to fill out, but the German family, with their four children, had forty-eight forms.  I really commend the families who choose to come live in places like India to serve the Lord. Just the paperwork alone is quite an ordeal. Living in Kalimpong and getting to watch different missionary families has given me a great picture of the ups and downs of living as family in a foreign country. 

When we crossed over in to Nepal all the kids started looking around for Mt. Everest. Can you find Everest?

Vehicles cannot cross the India/Nepal border, so when we got there we had to take everything out of our Indian vehicle and find another vehicle in Nepal to take us the rest of the way. When we arrived at the border we learned that there was a strike that day and no taxis would be running for another hour. So we made a huge pile of our bags, brought out snacks, and hung out on the side of the road for an hour (maybe it was only 45 mins, because Nepal is 15 mins behind Indian time). Jeewan Loy and his best friend Maxi played football with a soda bottle, and we befriended a goat who was trying to get to our snacks. Got to love missionary children. Who needs iPods and video games when you have a soda bottle and a goat?

Chilling at the Border 

Kick the Bottle

The children all enjoyed the huge school swimming pool. When we arrived, even before finding our rooms, the children inspected the swimming pool. They found that there was a kiddie pool as well as the large pool, and both of them had slides. Voluntarily the children all went to bed early because they couldn't wait to wake up and swim the next day. They spent and entire day swimming and everyone besides Manju and Jeewan Loy got sun burnt.

Swimming Pool

Mexi and Jeewan Loy- Best Buds

WATER SLIDES

Nina and Manju

School Assembly 

We stayed at the school for the four days with the principle of the school and his family. They were wonderful hosts. Their son, Vaskar, was just home from Austria. He went to bible school in Europe and is married to a girl from Austria. He was coming to find a place to live and get things set up for them to move in the fall. Vaskar and his wife are also going to be starting a Kindergarten school in a nearby village. We were able to visit the house that they have rented for the school and were able to pray over it. Vaskar also wants to get involved in helping churches both in Nepal and India. Through him we got to meet a pastor in this village and visit church building that the congregants recently built with their own hands and finances. It is exciting to see people who are really committed to spreading the gospel, and challenging believers to really live a biblical life devoted to following Christ. Over these four days we had some great conversations about cultures (eastern vs western), education, revival, the state of the church in Europe, India, and Nepal, and various other topics. It was such encouragement to me, and just at the right time.

Future Kindergarten 

The Pastor and Vaskar

The Church

At the end of our stay the girls found a adolescent pigeon who had somehow gotten out of its coup. The school had a few pigeon coups attached to the second and third levels of the buildings. This little guy couldn't fly yet and so he couldn't get back up there on his own. The girls were quite worried that the principle's cat, who was quite pregnant, would try and make this pigeon her dinner. Somehow I couldn't see a very pregnant cat as a highly threatening predator. But anyways the girls made a little nest for the bird, gave it water in a coconut shell, and watched it carefully guarding  from the cat. They were quite sad to leave it when we had to go.

 The area we were in Nepal was not so different from the part of India we had just come from. The culture was pretty much the same. The economy is struggling more and people are poorer. Though the similarities there was something different that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Maybe I will have to go back and spend more time there someday. We shall see what God has in store.

Overall the trip was a success.We had no issues with the visas (thank you so much for your prayers). The children had a great time. Us adults had some great conversations and encouragement (more to come about that). It was refreshing for all of us all to get out of our normal lives for a few days and get fresh perspectives. 

Here are some more pictures:

Typical House in this Busti (Village)

Hindu Holyman Texting on his Phone

Vaskar Bargaining- Lindy and I trying to look less-white so Vaskar can get a better deal 

Rickshaw Time

Sunset and the Road

On the Road

Most of the photos in this blog are courtesy of Harry Weiber

The Kingdom and a Ring

So last month (woah is it really March already?) I was able to take two short trips, one to New Delhi, and one to Nepal.

Beautiful Kalimpong

It was so nice to get away from Kalimpong for a little while. Kalimpong has really everything one could want or need, but it is still a little hill town, where everyone knows everyone, so it was great to get to eat some KFC, McDonalds, and Costa Coffee, do a little shopping, and just get a change of pace.

Sweet Babies

I was also able to spend a few short days at Asha House. I would have loved to spend more time there, but I spent as much time as I could fit into the schedule. Things are a little different at Asha House when you come as an old friend just popping in and not as part of a long anticipated team. I think you get a better picture of the real everyday Asha House. Even at a place as special as Asha House there are still days of drudgery: the days at the end of the school term when the kids are ready for a break but instead need to study for exams, when the diapers and laundry pile high, when there is another 70+ servings of rice and dhal to prepare, when life just moves slowly on. It was a good reminder to me that life is still life even when you are living the "dream" and fulfilling your vision. God has been showing me a lot about that these months. This just confirmed that there is something beautiful in doing what you were made to do, but there are still those days and seasons where everything doesn't sparkle and shimmer with meaning, where the days get dull and need a little elbow grease and trust to shine again.

Ready for Lunch

The couple who started and run Asha House are expecting a baby this summer. They have been trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully since they were married 8 years ago. We are all so excited but holding our breath. She has doctor's orders to be on bed-rest until delivery partly because of the delicate nature of this pregnancy and also because she has been having really bad morning-sickness (actually all-day-sickness). When I was there it got so bad that she spent the night in the hospital. She is doing much better now after getting on new nausea medicine. Her days are especially dull because she is pretty much confined to bed, and doesn't even find enjoyment in eating because of the nausea. Please keep both her and the baby in your prayers.

Rachel in 2009

I try my hardest not to have favorites and to spend the same amount attention on each child, but I definitely have a special connection to a little girl I will call Rachel. In 2009 when I first met her she was a tiny shy three year old, who had never known the love and attention of a functional family. Before she came to Asha House she and her siblings lived with their mother who worked in a brothel. In 2009 I helped teach her and four other little ones their "ABC's" and "123's." She was reserved and had a sadness in her eyes. During "school" she really had a hard time focusing and barely could hold a pencil. By the time I left she could write her name. I look back and see this as one of the most precious things in my life. Another one of these moments was in 2011 when I was back at Asha House. This little girl who I taught to write her name and who didn't know how to give or even receive love when she first arrived at Asha House came up behind me surprising me with a hug and the words "Aunty, you are my Aunty. I am loving you so much!" I was blown away by this outward sign of affection from a little girl who had been so reserved just 2 years back.

Leaving Asha House in 2011

During this most recent visit to Asha House I had another one of those moments  I was just hanging out in the girls room while they were getting ready for bed. I was leaving back to Kalimpong the next morning so I was trying to make sure that I spent quality time with as many of the girls as possible. I was sitting on the cement floor discussing the movie "Titanic" with the older girls who had just seen it, and over comes Rachel, who I affectionately call "miro chuha" (my mouse). She brought with her a little plastic blue ring, and showed it to me explaining that it was one of her Christmas presents. Rachel put it on my pinkie finger, the only one of my fingers it would fit on. I admired it and oohed and aahed that she should receive such a wonderful Christmas gift. I am not sure if you have even been to a children's home or an orphanage, but typically the children who live there don't have very many possessions of their own. Especially in India where community is the way that society functions, all possessions are shared among the group. When a little girl gets something pretty of her own it is quite a special thing.

The Best Gift

When I got up to say "good-night" I gave Rachel her ring back, thanked her for showing it to me, and told her that it was such a nice gift. Again she surprised me and said that I should keep it. What?!?! How could I take this token from this precious girl who has so little? Why would she want me to have it? Once she was tucked into her bed I tried to give it back to her again; her response was "take it Aunty, I want to love you." I don't think that there has ever been a moment to top this one. To be loved like this, to be presented with a gift such as this, from a little girl who has such a hard life at six years old, what a treasure! So much love in this tiny plastic ring. Every time I think about it it brings me to tears. Next to salvation and the love of God, the love that "miro chuha" keeps surprising me with is the best gift I have ever received.

Rachel at the beginning of 2012, picture courtesy of Andres Valenzuela

I want to love with this kind of selfless love, a love that gives generously even when it has nothing in the world's eyes. To be challenged to love by an orphan is such a humbling picture of the Kingdom coming.

"behold, the kingdom of god is in the midst of you" (Luke 17:21b) 

Being Myself

Again I am sitting down to blog, but there is so much floating around in my head that I am not sure where to begin except to just type. 

I like having things worked out before I say them. I am realizing that I have a propensity to do the same for the other types of communication as well. I don't really have anything "worked-out" right now. No nice conclusion to get to or theme to follow. Except that God is urging me, in his gentlemanly way, to get out of my comfort zone yet again. 

Be yourself.

That is what I keep feeling and hearing. But why is this so hard? I guess there is always room for another existential crisis, but I thought I had gone through enough of those in college to have figured out who I am already. 

What I have known for a long time is that I have people pleasing tendencies. Almost without thinking I try to be what people want me to be, and do what people what me to do. I usually don't exactly know what people want, but I assume. Often I am right on, but more recently I have been wrong, hurting myself and others in my folly. 

This probably all is being compounded because right now as I am living in another culture. I cannot just assume that people understand me or my motives for doing things. It causes me to think, not just the usual twice before I do things, but I now have to think three times in hopes to prevent offence or misunderstanding.  

I have learned a good deal about Indian and Nepali cultures, but even still I am running off assumptions. One thing I do know is that it is very rare to get a straight answer from people especially if you have offended them. So I have just been keeping my head down and trying to mind my own business. But is that really being myself?

I want deep connections here, but I feel like I cannot ever hope to earn a place in this culture. I want to speak out, especially to the challenge the church, but where do I even begin as I am an outsider who will never be allowed to be an insider. There is so much injustice, so much dishonesty, and such a disparity between the rich and the poor. So much need for the Kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven. 

I guess it comes back to prayer. Prayer is the very first step to changing things. The next is a radical pure life lived as an example. This is all we can really do. But there is no way to measure our progress or our proximity to the goal. The goal is completely out of our reach. 

Why are the simple things so hard to really accept and to really do? If I really accept this then all my big expectations of changing the world, seeing revival sweep over India, seeing hundreds of children snatched from the fires of hell and given loving homes, and seeing the church really act like the Bride of Christ can never be realized as my imagination has painted them. 
Do I give up these dreams? I think that would kill me. 
Do I keep up the delusion and live a life of appointment? Sounds fun. Not. 
Do I dream smaller? Maybe. 

But it is still painful to realize that all my dreams and desires for my life might come to nothing. Maybe that is the problem, that they are all MY dreams and desires.   

I have been praying that God would give me the desires of his heart. Maybe this is what He is doing... stripping me of my desires and replacing them with His; stripping me of my expectations for my life so He can give me His own expectations. 

Who has God made me to be? What had He made me to do? I thought I knew, but now I honestly don't have many answers. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 

I guess all that I can do is keep trusting in this promise the Lord has made and wait for Him to fulfill it.  

weakness and perfection

It has been so refreshing to reconnect with the blogging world now that our internet is working (well kind of) again.

Over the past month or so there has been a myriad of things that I have been thinking through. I would love to be able to sort it all out and make sense of it in one tidy little post but I am not sure that is possible. Many things that I have been musing on are much too raw yet for all of the internet to be able to peer into. I am sure with more time I will have perspective enough to sort things out better, but each day has to be lived, hour and minute spent to gain this time and perspective.

The little that I do understand is that I am quite a mess. I don't like to admit this or let anyone see this. I know many of my weaknesses and I have gotten good at hiding them, but sometimes God allows things to happen to expose your weaknesses. It is dangerous to ask God to teach you about humility, cause He usually answers you with a “Yes, I already had some lessons in mind. If you are ready let's get started.” It is a good thing to desire your pride to be rooted out, but oh my it can be painful.

I am quite a perfectionist. Not in the typical, perfectly-clean-house, alphabetized-spice-rack, immaculate-closets sort of perfection, but in a I-want-to-seem-like-a-Godly-sweet-Christian-girl-with-all-the-answers sort of perfection. Growing up going to all of the youth group events, helping Mom run VBS, reading the entire bible through before I was out of high school, going on countless mission trips, and pretty much having all the right “church” answers has left me with a unique little construct for forge my “perfection” on. Somehow I thought I knew all the answers and therefore I could easily guess what God wanted for me life. DANGER! Even when God speaks to us we should NEVER assume that we know exactly what He means. Usually when God speaks He usually leaves some details blank for us to trust Him with. Don't fill in those blanks yourself, even if you are a “good-Christian-girl” who knows all the right answers to the bible quiz. I tried filling in those blanks myself once and got my heart broken. I tried again and broke someone else's heart. And again, as it has before, my “perfection” has come crashing down and this time exposing my weaknesses to the world (at least that is how I feel).

Isaiah 55:9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

As I start over, I want to try and rebuild my perfection not on my faulty understanding, but on the Lord's perfection. It says in Matthew 5:48 “...be perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect.” and it goes on in chapter 6 saying “beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them”. Perfection is not a bad thing to desire, but this perfection we are called to is not one judged by others. It is judged only by the Lord. It is a perfection of the heart. It is a perfection we are gifted by the blood of Jesus and the grace that flows from the cross, not a perfection that we can earn by knowing the all the right answers or by making people like us.

The more days I live the more I realize I do not know anything. I have realized that I will never know all the answers to life, and that I will only begin to know some of them by living life, making messes, and running to the arms of Jesus. Sarah Young says it beautifully in her devotional, Jesus Calling, “Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy in to seeking Me: the Perfect One.” (January 26^th).

All I know is that I am a people-pleasing mess. All I know is that I need more Jesus.

Reminiscing

Thinking over the past year there have been so many wonderful things that the Lord has done!

First of all the Lord has been so faithful to provide for all of my needs through so many different ways. It has been so amazing to see his faithfulness over and over again.

A little over a year ago I came back from spending two months at Asha House and jumped into working with Back To The Roots. I got to see Asha House move to a new location last December, which I got to see with my own eyes when I came to visit in September. They have SO much more room inside and a huge yard to play in!

New Asha House

Over the past year three babies (Leah, Ashish, and Akash) were born, and three new children (Harsh, Milent, and Rekha) joined the Asha Family. Also just a few months ago we found out that Simini, who has not been able to get pregnant for the past eight years, is now expecting!!!!

Baby Ashish - his name means "blessing"

New sewing machines and a generator were purchased because of the generosity of amazing people. The sewing machines enable the older girls to learn tailoring, which is a trade they can work in after the finish school. The generator ensures that Asha House can get power when there are power outages. This is particularly important during the summer to keep the fans working to keep the babies from overheating.

New Sewing Machine

This year Jyoti was able to go to school for the first time. Her medical condition has gotten much better, but there is still scarring in her brain. Keep praying for her healing.

Jyoti is going to school and loosing teeth 

During the spring and summer I got to nanny for Christy and her son Gui-Gui. Christy brought Gui-Gui home from China after adopting him when he was 18mths old. Now he is a precocious 5 year old who is still learning Chinese, likes to ride his bike, and hunt for dragons and insects. My days with this little guy were filled with so much light and fun.

I also got to visit with my friend Jessica Paulraj, her husband Raja, and their sweet son Adam this summer. They were in NC from India to facilitate surgeries for baby Adam who was born with many birth defects. Jessica and Adam adopted Adam soon after he was born and abandoned. His precocious life is such a testimony of grace, hope, and love. Visit Jessica's Blog to learn more about Adam's story.

In September I got to bring five ladies (Tiffany, Chrissy, Phadrea, Julia, and Lauren) with me to see my Asha Family. We also got to go up to Uttarkashi and work at a school there with Jules and Arpan Mani. This was quite an experience to be able to facilitate all of us six ladies getting around India. Each one of these ladies had such a precious heart to serve the people of India. It was such an honor to travel and serve with them.

The ladies and I at the HIM head office in Mussorie

Fun Time at Asha House

Little Mathematicians in the Making 

Now since October I have been in Kalimpong. I am teaching Manju and Jeewan Loy in the mornings (btw Jeewan Loy is now reading!) and taking Nepali lessons in the afternoons. I have been so blessed with so many friends and good people around me. There are quite a number of foreign families living near by with whom we share life with and who enrich the everyday. 

Learning Nepali Alphabet
 "ka" "kah" "ga" "gah" "unga"

Manju at her desk

Jeewan Loy telling me about the picture he drew of baby Jesus

Reminiscing on the good things the Lord has brought to my life this year I have noticed the theme of adoption. So many children who have been adopted, chosen into their families, have touched my life over this past year. It gets me thinking about how God has chosen and adopted me. It is so humbling and wonderful to remember that I was just a hopeless mess before God chose me. God picked me up out of my mess and choose to make me something beautiful. He know exactly who He made me to be and is teaching me like a father to listen to Him, trust Him, and believe that He truly is working things together for my good. I am excited to see what God has for this year ahead, and how God might continue to weave this thread of adoption through my journey here on earth. 

Mountains and Sunlight

Christmas in Kalimpong

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Our internet has been not working properly since before Christmas. It will come on for 5 or 10 minutes at a time. Sometimes it will come back in a few minutes and other times it will be gone for the rest of the day. So frustrating, but this is just one of those things you have to deal with when living in India. Because of the internet issues I haven't been able to update in quite a while. So I am going to start back in December...

Christmas was a wonderful time of celebration. The typical India Christian family celebrates Christmas by going to church on Christmas day, where you will probably watch some skits and songs from the children, hear a message, and share a meal with the church family. Most families' decorations don't go beyond some colored lights and a paper star. Christmas is basically one day of celebration. Up here in the hills all the schools are on a two month winter break, but in most of the rest of the country school is still in session having holiday only on Christmas day.

We (Manju, Jeewan Loy, and I) took about a week off of school, beginning with a surprise interruption in our school day. December 20^th is my birthday, and we planned to have school as usual and begin the holiday on the following day with a day of Christmas cookie baking and gingerbread house making. But surprise! In the middle of a math test I was giving to Manju, I hear footsteps on the stairs. I thought maybe some of the girls from downstairs were sneaking up to spy on us. Instead it was everyone from downstairs, the whole German family who lives up the street, and Lindy carrying a birthday cake complete with candles. After I blew out the candles we all went out on the terrace and shared tea and cake. Well that made quite a happy end to our school day and beginning to our holiday.

Gingerbread House (from a kit brought from America)

Here in Kalimpong the week before Christmas youth groups, choirs, and Sunday-schools roam around caroling in the evenings. They do this usually do this as a fundraiser for their group. When a group of carolers arrives at your house you are expected to welcome them in for tea and biscuits(cookies) and send them away with a small donation. Sometimes they send a card a few days before to warn you of their coming, but some just arrive unannounced. They usually begin caroling just after the sun goes down (which is around 4:30pm) and can keep going until 1 or 2am. One night we had three different groups come one of them came at 1am but we were asleep in our warm beds so we just cracked a window waved and went back to bed. Even when carolers don't come to your house you can still here them in the neighborhood as the houses are close together and the windows not very well insulated. It is such a magical thing to fall asleep to the echos of people singing and worshiping Jesus all over the hills.

Happy Birthday Jesus! Yummy Chocolate!

Christmas Eve we spent with Harry and Vroni, the German family, their four kids and Vroni's friend who was visiting from Germany. We had a bonfire with popcorn, apple cider, cookies, and pigs-in-a-blanket, and sang songs in both English and German. That night Lindy, the kids and I slept by the Christmas tree. Jeewan Loy had been counting down the days until Christmas so he was incredibly excited to open his presents and stocking in the morning. I made biscuits(southern style) and gravy, and we had a “Happy Birthday Jesus” cake for breakfast. Then we all got dressed and walked to church. We had a yummy Indian lunch there and had a wonderful time with all of our friends.

Silent Night 

That evening was spent with Mari and Juha, the Finnish family downstairs. They had visitors come for Christmas, two Finnish girls who have been staying in Siliguri working at a rescue home for girls from the redlight district. It was so wonderful to get to know these girls and share our stories. The bonds of the Kingdom are so amazing, it was like meeting sisters. Manju and her friend Siiri had written a Christmas song together and performed it as we shared American and Finnish holiday goodies by candle light. Such a perfect end to a glorious day!

Christmas Eve Dinner