Longing for the Spring of His Kingdom

The cold branches of winter seem to be grasping at my heart, with all their sad stories, frigid days, and hopeless nights.

Over the past few months, maybe few years, my life has intercepted with so many stories that bring tears to my eyes that I feel like the sadness on my face has become permanent.

Stories of
rape (God, so much rape)
cancer
broken families
depression
abused children
stubborn despair-causing bureaucracy
terminal illness
gripping worry
car accidents
sudden death of beloved pets
lies (so many lies)
abandoned children
limbs amputated
failed relationships
trafficked women, men, children,

lives broken, hearts bruised, hope gone.

Lord, where is your Kingdom coming? Where!?! Cause I don't see it.

The cold winter closes in on my heart. I forget what the trees look like adorned with buds and leaves. The grey sky above becomes a constant, if not in reality then in my countenance.

Can anyone, can anything stop the changing of the seasons? Spring has to come. It just has to.

Hold on heart until it does.

Through the tears and sadness I have to cling to the truth that I will see His goodness in the land of the living and that one day, though it seems far off, one day He will make all things right. 

How do I make it through the winter of this world to the spring of His kingdom?

Trust. 

Thankfulness.

Remembering who our God is and how redemption is His particular specialty.

"For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning to Me and resting in Me you shall be saved; in quietness and in trusting confidence shall be your strength..." (Isaiah 30:15, Amplified) 

Stumbling across this scripture for the hundredth time the Lord whispers to my heart, "Return to me. Rest in me. Quiet yourself and trust confidently in me and I will make things right. I will because I AM."  

All these stories, sad sad stories... some of them have already begun to sprout life... some are heading into a darker season before they can hope for light. But I have to remind myself that all life comes from seeds that first have to die. Death is not the end. Sometimes it is the beginning.

This is not the end
This is not the end of this
We will open our eyes wide, wider

This is not our last
This is not our last breath
We will open our mouths wide, wider

And you know you’ll be alright
Oh and you know you’ll be alright

This is not the end
This is not the end of us
We will shine like the stars bright, brighter

 Lyrics to "This is Not the End" by Gungor

Hey there....

I have been gone from this blogging scene for a while. I have missed you all. Hope you have missed me too.

Since October when I got home from my second trip to India I have been developing the social media for Back To The Roots, the backing organization for Asha House. It has been wonderful to blog about what I love and discover new social media avenues, but that has made me not want to blog personally since blogging has become my job. Who wants to spend their entire life blogging?

It has been growing on me. This feeling that I need to write, that I need to pick up blogging for myself again.
Well here I am.
I am back.

So what is God speaking to me about?

I spent quite some time this morning lamenting to him about all of my issues and problems, weaknesses and frustrations. The things that are pressing on my mind and spirit. His response to all my uncertainties and worries was this:

I want you to love me and to be loved by me. 

So simple. Almost too simple.

It is so easy to believe that I have to do things to win the Lord's love, or that I have to prove my love for him.

So powerful. Almost too powerful.

As we grasp the unconditional Love of the Abba Daddy, our response is immediately to love. We become love machines.

Satan does not like that. He wants to keep us trapped in our futile thinking that we need to meet God's and other people's exceptions. That we need to be "good little Christians." That we have to always be in fear that we might say or do the wrong thing.

The amazing truth is that we can never chase away the Love of God, nor can we screw-up the Lord's plans. He is chasing us with his sweet love and always working things together for the good of those who love him.  We cannot stop him or his love. It is impossible and prideful to think we can mess up God's plans.

The honest truth is that I have known this beautiful truth for quite some time. I have learned to dance and rejoice in it. I have learned to find freedom in it. The other honest truth is that is is so easy to get caught up in life and wander away from the rest I have found in the arms of love. Today I am learning to return... "to know and rely on the love God has for us." (1 John 4:16)