Longing for the Spring of His Kingdom

The cold branches of winter seem to be grasping at my heart, with all their sad stories, frigid days, and hopeless nights.

Over the past few months, maybe few years, my life has intercepted with so many stories that bring tears to my eyes that I feel like the sadness on my face has become permanent.

Stories of
rape (God, so much rape)
cancer
broken families
depression
abused children
stubborn despair-causing bureaucracy
terminal illness
gripping worry
car accidents
sudden death of beloved pets
lies (so many lies)
abandoned children
limbs amputated
failed relationships
trafficked women, men, children,

lives broken, hearts bruised, hope gone.

Lord, where is your Kingdom coming? Where!?! Cause I don't see it.

The cold winter closes in on my heart. I forget what the trees look like adorned with buds and leaves. The grey sky above becomes a constant, if not in reality then in my countenance.

Can anyone, can anything stop the changing of the seasons? Spring has to come. It just has to.

Hold on heart until it does.

Through the tears and sadness I have to cling to the truth that I will see His goodness in the land of the living and that one day, though it seems far off, one day He will make all things right. 

How do I make it through the winter of this world to the spring of His kingdom?

Trust. 

Thankfulness.

Remembering who our God is and how redemption is His particular specialty.

"For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning to Me and resting in Me you shall be saved; in quietness and in trusting confidence shall be your strength..." (Isaiah 30:15, Amplified) 

Stumbling across this scripture for the hundredth time the Lord whispers to my heart, "Return to me. Rest in me. Quiet yourself and trust confidently in me and I will make things right. I will because I AM."  

All these stories, sad sad stories... some of them have already begun to sprout life... some are heading into a darker season before they can hope for light. But I have to remind myself that all life comes from seeds that first have to die. Death is not the end. Sometimes it is the beginning.

This is not the end
This is not the end of this
We will open our eyes wide, wider

This is not our last
This is not our last breath
We will open our mouths wide, wider

And you know you’ll be alright
Oh and you know you’ll be alright

This is not the end
This is not the end of us
We will shine like the stars bright, brighter

 Lyrics to "This is Not the End" by Gungor

The Real India: Walking Slowly

I came across this unfinished blog post from when I lived in India. I think it was written almost exactly a year ago. Even though they seem from another life, these images from India still haunt me and call me to come back to the hills. 

[March 2013, Kalimpong, West Bengal, India]

 

As as person from the West I tend to organize my time aiming at efficiency and productivity. I am definitely not the most productive or efficient person by a long shot, but this question is always in the back of my mind "how can I get the most out of my time and energy?"

Here in the hills of India (and probably in the hills of Nepal also) the parting phrase is "walk slowly," "bistanu janu hos." It is used as the equivalent of my family's (and maybe your family's), "drive safely." Most people in the US, beginning at sixteen years old, drive and have their own car, or at least have easy access to one. No one walks anywhere if they don't have to, even just to visit the neighbors in the next street and definitely not to go grocery shopping.

In the hills most people, especially women, walk. If you are male, then maybe you have a bike (Indian for 'motorcycle'). If you are female maybe you have a husband, brother, or son, who has a bike or a "taxi" (maruti mini van, or tata nano). But most people just walk up and down, down and up.  

Walking is the way of life.

When you go for vegetables or groceries you might get a coolie to carry them back up for you. Depending on how far you are from town, a dollar or two will get your veggies home safely without you having to haul them. But only those who buy a lot of veggies at once or those who can afford the luxury will utilize coolies.

You will never see a woman coolie. These men and boys carry everything with a rope and a basket on their back.The rope goes underneath what they carry, the load goes on their back, and the free loop of the rope (usually it has some fabric and a cusion) goes across their forehead. These men don't earn much and have to work so hard. They usually sport old but clean and tidy clothes and wear worn plastic slip-on shoes on their broad feet. Many of them are clearly and proudly Nepali, which you can tell from the round brimless fabric cap they wear.

I am sure that the families of these men would never see as much food in their homes in a month as these men can carry on their backs, up and down these hills (well maybe if it were only potatoes and rice they carried).

I am still slowly learning so much about these people of the hills. I am really coming to love these people. Learning the language has helped but I need to get out and to speak more. There is still so much I feel I will never understand.

"Bistanu janu hos," "walk slowly." The pace of life here is so different. Time is relished... not measured and forced to obey. Here people seem to experiance time like sitting on a rock by the Teesta river, watching and feeling the water move past. The Western view of time would be more like the dam that was built a few years back which controls the water flow of the river and puts it to work as it moves past. I think I would rather spend my life soaking up the sun in good conversation sitting at the bank of the Teesta.

Rest is something that seems to be reserved for the rich... at least in the West. If you don't want to be perceived as lazy, you have to seem busy. "So what are you doing now?" is the question that drives common conversations. But this is not the life we were made for. 

"And then He rested." God rested. After he created everything we know and are discovering he rested. He didn't party. He didn't plan out the rest of the existence of eternity. He rested 

As beings made in His image we need rest. We are commanded rest. All the commandments, including rest maybe especially rest, are for our good. He commands us to rest not to stroke His ego, but because we are created to rest.

This is one of the things I miss about my life in India: having rest built in to the culture; being told to walking slowly. 

Rest...

Nepal

As well as taking a trip to Delhi last month, I also took a short trip to Nepal.

Kalimpong is in a tiny northern finger of India that is wedged between Bhutan, China (Tibet), and Nepal. Nepal is just 4 or 5 hours drive from our house in Kalimpong. From Delo Hill, the highest point in Kalimpong at 5556 ft above sea level, you can see China, Nepal, Sikkim (one of the hardest to reach Indian states), and Bhutan. Most of the population of the Darjeeling District (which includes both Kalimpong and Darjeeling) are ethnically Nepali. The Nepalis here have been fighting for a long time to have their own state within India, Gorkhaland, so they can get better representation in the government and to have more control over the Darjeeling area.

My visit to Nepal was essentially for my visa. With the type of visa I have I need to leave the country every six months. Originally I would have had to stay out for two months before I could return to India, but just last year they changed this law. Coming to India I wasn't quite sure what I would do about this issue, but as He always does the Lord made a way.

Nepal Border

The German family who we are close to also needed to also go out for their visas. All we really needed to do was cross the border, fill out papers, and come back to fill out more papers, but the lady I am staying with knows a family who runs a school in a town just 45 minutes from the Nepal border. She arranged for us all to travel together and stay at the school for a few days. 

The Principle's Quarters Where We Stayed

At the border there are four forms for each person to fill out. That meant coming and going, I only had a total of eight forms to fill out, but the German family, with their four children, had forty-eight forms.  I really commend the families who choose to come live in places like India to serve the Lord. Just the paperwork alone is quite an ordeal. Living in Kalimpong and getting to watch different missionary families has given me a great picture of the ups and downs of living as family in a foreign country. 

When we crossed over in to Nepal all the kids started looking around for Mt. Everest. Can you find Everest?

Vehicles cannot cross the India/Nepal border, so when we got there we had to take everything out of our Indian vehicle and find another vehicle in Nepal to take us the rest of the way. When we arrived at the border we learned that there was a strike that day and no taxis would be running for another hour. So we made a huge pile of our bags, brought out snacks, and hung out on the side of the road for an hour (maybe it was only 45 mins, because Nepal is 15 mins behind Indian time). Jeewan Loy and his best friend Maxi played football with a soda bottle, and we befriended a goat who was trying to get to our snacks. Got to love missionary children. Who needs iPods and video games when you have a soda bottle and a goat?

Chilling at the Border 

Kick the Bottle

The children all enjoyed the huge school swimming pool. When we arrived, even before finding our rooms, the children inspected the swimming pool. They found that there was a kiddie pool as well as the large pool, and both of them had slides. Voluntarily the children all went to bed early because they couldn't wait to wake up and swim the next day. They spent and entire day swimming and everyone besides Manju and Jeewan Loy got sun burnt.

Swimming Pool

Mexi and Jeewan Loy- Best Buds

WATER SLIDES

Nina and Manju

School Assembly 

We stayed at the school for the four days with the principle of the school and his family. They were wonderful hosts. Their son, Vaskar, was just home from Austria. He went to bible school in Europe and is married to a girl from Austria. He was coming to find a place to live and get things set up for them to move in the fall. Vaskar and his wife are also going to be starting a Kindergarten school in a nearby village. We were able to visit the house that they have rented for the school and were able to pray over it. Vaskar also wants to get involved in helping churches both in Nepal and India. Through him we got to meet a pastor in this village and visit church building that the congregants recently built with their own hands and finances. It is exciting to see people who are really committed to spreading the gospel, and challenging believers to really live a biblical life devoted to following Christ. Over these four days we had some great conversations about cultures (eastern vs western), education, revival, the state of the church in Europe, India, and Nepal, and various other topics. It was such encouragement to me, and just at the right time.

Future Kindergarten 

The Pastor and Vaskar

The Church

At the end of our stay the girls found a adolescent pigeon who had somehow gotten out of its coup. The school had a few pigeon coups attached to the second and third levels of the buildings. This little guy couldn't fly yet and so he couldn't get back up there on his own. The girls were quite worried that the principle's cat, who was quite pregnant, would try and make this pigeon her dinner. Somehow I couldn't see a very pregnant cat as a highly threatening predator. But anyways the girls made a little nest for the bird, gave it water in a coconut shell, and watched it carefully guarding  from the cat. They were quite sad to leave it when we had to go.

 The area we were in Nepal was not so different from the part of India we had just come from. The culture was pretty much the same. The economy is struggling more and people are poorer. Though the similarities there was something different that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Maybe I will have to go back and spend more time there someday. We shall see what God has in store.

Overall the trip was a success.We had no issues with the visas (thank you so much for your prayers). The children had a great time. Us adults had some great conversations and encouragement (more to come about that). It was refreshing for all of us all to get out of our normal lives for a few days and get fresh perspectives. 

Here are some more pictures:

Typical House in this Busti (Village)

Hindu Holyman Texting on his Phone

Vaskar Bargaining- Lindy and I trying to look less-white so Vaskar can get a better deal 

Rickshaw Time

Sunset and the Road

On the Road

Most of the photos in this blog are courtesy of Harry Weiber

Celebrations and Cold Nights

Manju, Lindy, and Jeewan Loy enjoying the Thanksgiving Feast

 Thanksgiving came not quite a week after Lindy got home from her trip to America to get a new visa. With her home safe with a new visa that will enable her to stay in country for five years without having to leave, we all had lots to be thankful for. There were lots of goodies from America to be thankful for too. We spent Thanksgiving day relaxing and praising the Lord for what he has done in our lives.

Baked Chicken with Stuffing (my favorite)

We also got to enjoy an American style dinner, with a whole baked chicken (can't find turkey here and even if we could it wouldn't fit in our oven), stuffing, corn, mashed potatoes, gravy, coleslaw, and for dessert apple crisp and egg custard. We enjoyed all this yummy food in the sunshine on the terrace. It was glorious!

Half Eaten Thanksgiving Feast

On Saturday I woke up to Christmas music blaring through the house. After enjoying a cup of Pumpkin Spice Chai (thanks Sarahsdids) Manju, Jeewan Loy, Purnima, and I walked up to the football field above our house (it is at the top of the hill we live on and is where you can see the Himalayas on a clear day). We gathered evergreen branches, poinsettias and some daisies for good measure. We looked pretty comical tramping down the hill with a bundle of greens and handfuls of flowers. Once we got them back home we used them to decorate the house for Christmas. Lindy found a artificial Christmas tree in Kolkata a few years back, so we decorated that too.

Fresh Greenery

Each one of us has a stocking that we hung by the Christmas tree. Jeewan Loy checks everyday to see if someone has put anything in his yet. He also checks everyone else's and notifies us when there is something new. He is so precocious. We have all decided to wait until closer to Christmas to put anything in because of his prying eyes.

Christmas Tree

The days are still pretty warm, but as soon as the sun goes down it gets quite cold and windy. After dinner we each retreat to the warmth of our own beds and usually call it an early night. Before going to bed I will usually boil some ginger root in water to make fresh ginger tea. So warm and spicy! I have picked up yarn and kitting needles in town and have started knitting a scarf. Knitting, cold nights, and warm tea go together so well.

Musings on Thankfulness

I have been thinking about God's love and finding myself unable to comprehend its magnitude, its depth, and its intimacy. I have been worried that I am not fully tapping into the love God has for me, and thinking that this might be keeping me from what God has for me.

Yesterday morning I came across this from Jesus Calling (This is a devotional written by Sarah Young as Jesus would speak directly to the reader):

“The Light of My Love shines on you continually, regardless of your feelings or behavior. Your responsibly is to be receptive to this unconditionally love. Thankfulness and trust are your primary receptors. Thank me for everything; trust Me at all times”

and today this is what I found when I woke up:

“It is impossible to spend too much time thanking and praising Me. I created you first and foremost to glorify Me. Thanksgiving and praise put you in proper relationship with Me, opening the way for My riches to flow into you. As you thank Me for my Presence and Peace, you appropriate My richest gifts.”

These word were so timely and spoke to me so deeply. It gives me such peace to know that simply living a life of thankfulness will open me up to more of God's love. I do not have to try harder to earn anything more, or try harder to be aware of God's love, or try harder to understand God's love. I just have to be thankful for the beautiful things God has placed in my life.

In this season I am especially surrounded by goodness from God. Living in a wonderful house in India with a precious family. Staying in Kalimpong, which has been rich with sisters and brothers in the Lord. I am becoming dear friends with Heidi (the Finnish girl just my age, who lives with the family downstairs). I get to eat Indian food everyday and also get American style foods and goodies too. I was blessed by an American family who lived up the street with a tiny little french press and coffee beans to go with it. So now I can have fresh coffee! I have warm clothes and goodies from America: pumpkin spice tea, Thanksgiving Blend Starbucks Coffee, ginger candies, books, and Christmas gifts (don't worry I haven't peaked yet). One of my  favorite things that came from America was a sweet note from my best friend and two fall leaves. I am thankful for a spacious schoolroom with plenty of books. I am thankful for the warm winter sun, the clear weather, the mountains always in the distance, the flowers everywhere and the butterflies.

Ephesians 3:17-19

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all of the fullness of God"

Hey there....

I have been gone from this blogging scene for a while. I have missed you all. Hope you have missed me too.

Since October when I got home from my second trip to India I have been developing the social media for Back To The Roots, the backing organization for Asha House. It has been wonderful to blog about what I love and discover new social media avenues, but that has made me not want to blog personally since blogging has become my job. Who wants to spend their entire life blogging?

It has been growing on me. This feeling that I need to write, that I need to pick up blogging for myself again.
Well here I am.
I am back.

So what is God speaking to me about?

I spent quite some time this morning lamenting to him about all of my issues and problems, weaknesses and frustrations. The things that are pressing on my mind and spirit. His response to all my uncertainties and worries was this:

I want you to love me and to be loved by me. 

So simple. Almost too simple.

It is so easy to believe that I have to do things to win the Lord's love, or that I have to prove my love for him.

So powerful. Almost too powerful.

As we grasp the unconditional Love of the Abba Daddy, our response is immediately to love. We become love machines.

Satan does not like that. He wants to keep us trapped in our futile thinking that we need to meet God's and other people's exceptions. That we need to be "good little Christians." That we have to always be in fear that we might say or do the wrong thing.

The amazing truth is that we can never chase away the Love of God, nor can we screw-up the Lord's plans. He is chasing us with his sweet love and always working things together for the good of those who love him.  We cannot stop him or his love. It is impossible and prideful to think we can mess up God's plans.

The honest truth is that I have known this beautiful truth for quite some time. I have learned to dance and rejoice in it. I have learned to find freedom in it. The other honest truth is that is is so easy to get caught up in life and wander away from the rest I have found in the arms of love. Today I am learning to return... "to know and rely on the love God has for us." (1 John 4:16)